The Cheap Drunk

Tap Room No 21 Brewing Co

Porter — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 07:30:04 +0000

Yesterday I felt like drinking some beer so I entered Ralphs with a mission: find a cheap six-pack. After browsing the aisle for several minutes, comparing prices, and convincing myself I couldn’t afford the more expensive beers with which I am familiar, I settled on Tap Room No 21 Brewing Co Moe’s Backroom Amber Ale. Had I know the name was incredibly long and would be challenging to type after having a few, I probably would have gone elsewhere; but I liked the design and it was only $6.99. For a six-pack! Thats cheaper than Bud Light! The verdict: I like it! It tastes like beer, not that cheap watered-down crap that tries to pass as beer. Great texture/mouth-feel with slightly hoppy, toasty flavors. Anything tasty, cheap, and “celebrating the repeal of prohibition” is okay by me!

Loko for them Lokos

Porter — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 06:29:51 +0000

A couple of weeks ago I met up with a friend for a drinking session. When I arrived at his place he was already a few deep and greeted me with a Four Loko saying “catch up.” I had never had one before and told him that they reminded me of high school students (my little sisters drink them). He wisely informed me, that when it comes to partying on the cheap, we would do well to take lead from high school kids. And boy was he right! That shit fucked me up pretty good after only one! Four Loko is available at most liquor stores and 7-Elevens and sells for between $2.50 and $3 for a 23.5 ounce can, that’s a hell of a deal for a guaranteed drunk if you ask me. They come in several flavors too. According to my friend they all taste like battery acid, but I actually didn’t find the flavor too off-putting. I think they mainly taste artificial and candy-like, with a bit of an after taste. I found the fruit punch flavor reminiscent of a fun-dip, I actually kinda enjoyed it to be honest. Currently I’m about half-way through a blue-raspberry, which gives me the impression of a ring-pop or blow pop…and yes, I’m feeling pretty good! I’ve heard good things about the lemonade, and I have an orange flavored one in the fridge that I’m looking forward to trying out in the next few days. On the downside, it seems some senators and district attorneys want the beverage investigated and banned because they claim it’s marketed to children, so stock up while you still can!

Three Olives Root Beer Vodka

Porter — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 05:01:38 +0000

I went to a party the other night that was BYOB, so I hit up BevMo a few days prior and secured myself a bottle of Three Olives Root Beer Flavored Vodka. It came out to a little over $17. I purchased it because it was under $20 and I like root beer, but mostly because I was curious. I didn’t actually think it would taste like root beer just that it would have some root beer-esq qualities. So I took it to the party, stuck it in the freezer and then busted it out when shot-taking-time rolled around (which is two beers to the left and straight on ’til morning). I don’t usually do well with shots for some reason, I know that dampens my drunk cred but it is what it is. So when shot-taking-time came upon us I was a bit nervous, I held the shot glass up to my mouth and it smelled only of root beer, there was absolutely no detection of alcohol on the nose. So I drank and it went down nicely. Straight root beer aromas/flavors, until just after swallowing when the alcohol burn kicked in; but it wasn’t unbearable. I went back for several more shots. On the bottle they recommended drinking it straight over ice which I was wary of upon reading, but after having tried it I second that recommendation. If you want to make it even more like root beer then you can add some club soda for the carbonation. Root beer vodka, its delicious and will get you f*cked up! Who knew?

$2 Wine (Bay Bridge)

Porter — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 05:25:28 +0000

Last night I went to Ralphs to pick up a few things for my sister. While there I took a short detour into the liquor aisle, because well I like to look. While browsing I happened upon a bottle of wine priced at $1.99. It was a Merlot and there were no other varietals by the same producer. This sighting conjured up feelings of both intrigue and skepticism. Wine for $2, really? At that moment I decided that my sister owed me a $2 fee for my services and so placed a bottle of the Bay Bridge Merlot in my basket. To be honest I expected it to be quite awful, but my heart was set on attaining a pleasant buzz to get me through the evening. So upon arriving at home I hastily popped the cork and poured myself a glass. And guess what? It wasn’t awful! It was extremely light bodied and gave off aromas of only astringent “wine” but the palate was surprisingly not unpleasant. I found strawberry and other indistinct red berry flavors in my mouth. It was nothing like a Merlot should be, and if tasting it blind I probably would have guessed it a bulk Pinot Noir. Nonetheless, it was quite drinkable and I ended up nearly finishing the bottle. I know a $2 bottle of wine can seem a bit foreboding, but believe it or not I think that I possess a fairly discerning palate, and I assure you, it wasn’t half bad! I’d definitely pick up a bottle again.

Booze and Entertainment on the Cheap

Porter — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 06:09:36 +0000

Drinking at home is quite nice, but sometimes you need to get out. At such times, cheap bars can be your best friend. Cheap bars that offer entertainment are even better (no I’m not talking about naked women entertainment you goddamn perv!) I happen to be a big fan of music in addition to booze, so for me, cheap music venues are a gold mine. I’ve had the pleasure of discovering a few in the Los Angeles area over the past few months, which I recommend you check out if you get the chance. First I’d like to bring up Spaceland in Silver Lake. They almost always have a decent artist playing for a decent price (~$10), but more importantly, Mondays are free! On this day they showcase a local band (the same one all month long) with no cover charge. In addition, making Mondays all the more awesome, they also offer $2.50 High Life. Yup beer for $2.50 and free music, how fantastic is that?! Another pretty sweet place nearby is the Echo Curio in Echo Park. Its a tiny art/record shop where they often host bands. They ask for a $5 donation at the door, but as they have no bar its BYOB. Thats right, they let you in with your own booze concealed in a brown paper bag! And then last weekend I attended a show at a place by the name of The Boulevard in East LA. The show I attended was free, though sometimes a small fee is required (~$5). They do not have a proper bar but they do offer beer by the bottle/can. 12 ounce domestics and imports go for $3 or you could purchase a 24 ounce PBR for $5. Finally, also in Echo Park are The Echo and Echoplex. Like Spaceland these venues usually charge for shows, but do offer free entrance a few times a month and drinks are reasonable (and by reasonable I mean CHEAP) I usually go with the $3 Tecate. So if you live in LA go hear some music, drink some booze, and save some money! If you don’t live in LA, well it sucks to be you.

Ask And You Shall Receive

Porter — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 02:19:35 +0000

In need of a drink but have no cash? Why not simply ask someone to buy you one? Seems pretty obvious, however, the thought never (consciously) struck me until just recently. I was viewing MTV’s True Life: I’m an alcoholic and one of said true life alcoholics, after finishing off her supply, hung out in the parking lot of a liquor store until a couple dudes showed up. She asked them to buy some beer and then come to her apartment to hangout. They did. She had one beer with them and then sent them off keeping the remainder of the 24 pack that they had purchased. Mean, but brilliant. As I was watching this, I recalled having once secured a drink in a similar fashion. Back in my club-going college days, at some club on State Street a random dude came up to me and asked if I wanted to dance, being already a bit inebriated, I asked “do you want to buy me a drink?” And it turns out he did! Then I walked to the dance floor with him. When we arrived I faked a phone call and told him I had to go meet my friends because we were leaving. Free drink just like that! Admittedly it is a bit easier for girls to sucker men into buying them booze, but I think guys can pull it off as well. I mean most bums you find standing outside of 7-11 asking for your change are guys right? And you usually give it to them, and then what to they buy with it? In another personal anecdote, at a bar in San Fransisco a dude once asked me to buy him a drink. I of course said no because 1) he didn’t interest me and 2) I can’t even afford to buy my own drinks! I think he asked just about every woman in that bar, and while he did get rejected multiple times, eventually some dumb broad did in fact buy him a drink. Ask and you shall receive. It’s so simple. I think most people refrain from doing so, however, because it seems pretty desperate. But lets face it, if you’re reading this you are pretty desperate.

Budget Bubbles

Porter — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 09:35:27 +0000

Commence obligatory New Years Champagne post. Champagne is delicious and a great celebratory beverage (the end of Tuesday for example). However it is crazy expensive; especially for a good bottle. So, not being a super-star rapper, what the heck are you supposed to pop open at midnight? How about a nice sparkling wine? It’s a heck of a lot cheaper than Champagne and essentially serves the same purpose. And by the time you toast the New Year you’ll be too wasted to taste anyway so it really won’t make a difference what you’re drinking.

So whats the difference between sparkling wine and Champagne anyway (other than price)? Sparkling wine is wine that undergoes a second fermentation during which the carbon dioxide remains suspended in the liquid, thus the bubbles. Champagne is a sparkling wine made in Champagne, France. It must be made from only Chardonnay, Pinot Noir, and Pinot Meunier and is made in the Traditional Method. Sparkling wine can be made anywhere in the world, from any grapes, and while some is made in the Traditional Method, it can also be made via the Tank Method. I’m too lazy to explain the difference so Google it if you’re interested.

Now my recommendations. Personally I really like Prosecco (sparkling wine made in Italy), its fruity, a bit floral, can have some sweetness, and is just plain easy drinking. Often times it tastes almost like a sparkling apple cider (with booze!). A couple of Proseccos that I’ve recently tried and enjoyed are Zardetto (around $12) and Ogio ($9). If you want something a little more similar to Champagne in flavor, try Cava (sparkling from Spain made the same way as Champagne). You can’t lose with Cristalino–slightly bready with lots of citrus. I’ve seen it for as low as $5.99, definitely a great value. If you’re in the mood for U.S offerings go Gruet (New Mexico, < $20), Domain Ste Michelle (Washington, < $10), and I discussed Barefoot in my previous post.

And if you’re really wasted and feel like wasting half the bottle, pop it open with a knife (or sword if you have one)–thats really sexy!

Go Barefoot

Porter — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 06:37:20 +0000

Ah wine, the elixir of the gods, my beverage of choice…but there are so many on the market and at such a wide range of price points, it can be a bit hard to sort through. When I’m in need of a good bottle for under $10, Barefoot consistently delivers. I haven’t tasted every varietal in their catalogue, but the ones I have tasted never disappoint. I was first introduced to Barefoot by a college roommate via their Pinot Grigio. I’m generally not a big fan of PG, as I find most versions pretty bland and uninteresting, but there is actually some fruit on this one. I get mostly citrus with some apples and pear; a very nice white. Being impressed by that first bottle I was inclined to try some of the other varietals Barefoot offers. The Riesling is a bit too sweet for my palate, but its not at all bad. As far as reds, I’ve only had the Zinfandel. It’s pretty simple, but pretty delicious. Lots of red berries with some hints of cigar and pencil in the finish. From the sparkling repertoire I’ve tried both the Brut and Extra Dry (fun fact: brut is drier than extra dry). They are both good, though pretty similar. Citrus and green apples on the palate, and fun unobtrusive bubbles. Most of the Barefoot wines have been awarded medals (if that means anything); I’ve liked what I’ve tried and I’ve heard a lot of good things from friends about ones I haven’t yet tasted. They are available at most markets, but I believe prices are best at Trader Joe’s, hovering around $5-$8. Not bad for a delicious drink that’ll get you drunk.

Shop Smart

Porter — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 01:16:56 +0000

I don’t shop at liquor stores. There are two main reasons for this. First and foremost, I feel that liquor stores are for alcoholics. Being merely a drunkard of sorts, not a full-fledged alcoholic in need of treatment or help of any sort, I avoid making my alcohol purchases at such establishments. Secondly, for some reason it seems to me that liquor stores are overpriced. Grocery stores seem to be more reasonable. Of the major grocery/pharmaceutical chains, I find myself returning to Rite Aid most often. They always seem to be a few dollars cheaper than their competitors when it comes to both beer and hard liquor, and I’m all about getting more bang (or booze) for my buck. Also, they always have something on sale, especially during holidays. When purchasing a case of beer for a party over the weekend I noticed several yellow tags hanging about the liquor aisle. A few days later, after scrounging up some cash, I returned to take advantage of these sales and was caught in quite a predicament. There were so many bottles on sale! Grey Goose was marked down to $25.99 (regularly $42.99), Maker’s Mark $19.99 (regularly $31.99), and a 1.5 L bottle of Smirnoff Vodka was also only $19.99 (I don’t recall its non-sale price). And these were just a few of the deals offered. After making a couple phone calls seeking out advice on what to buy, I settled on the Maker’s Mark (I had originally intended to purchase whiskey). It was a terribly difficult decision as both the Maker’s and Grey Goose prices were only reduced for a couple of days. Had been able to afford it, I would have purchased both. The Smirnoff and several other bottles will remain on sale through the end of the month. I definitely plan on going back within the next couple of weeks to stock up while prices are still reduced. Just something to keep in mind as you prepare for the holidays.

Will Work For Booze

Porter — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 07:13:34 +0000

One great way to get your hands on a bottle when you’ve got no funds is to do an odd job for a friend or relative. Why not just work for cash? you may wonder. Well first off, this way will save you some time. It completely eliminates having to go to the liquor store and pick something out, which can take far too long when you’re in need of a drink. You do the job, you get the booze. Instant gratification. Secondly, and I think more importantly, you are not faced with the conundrum of what to do with the money. Sure you’re probably going to spend it on hooch anyway, this way you don’t have to feel guilty about not putting it towards your car payment or any of those other silly things you should be paying. But are there really people out there willing to pay in booze? That there are my friend! One of my aunts is a teacher and needed some tests graded a while back. She asked me if I’d handle it for her in exchange for some liquor and I gladly obliged. It was a bit tedious and took a good hour out of my day, but when she handed me that 1.5 L bottle of Tanqueray it was totally worth it. I’ve been sipping on gin and tonics for weeks! Another of my aunts wanted her son to apply to college, but the lazy bastard couldn’t do it on his own. So I filled out the online apps for my cousin–a lot of checking of boxes and entering of grades–and my aunt presented me with BevMo giftcard. If, unfortunately, you don’t have booze-fairy aunts like I do, there are other sources. Maybe you’ve got a sister in school who has been dreading writing that paper for her english class, or your neighbor is in desperate need of a car wash. You’d be surprised at what silly tasks people would gladly pawn off on you in exchange for a measly bottle. We are in December you know, and while everyone would love to have a festive house, not everyone has the time or ability to put up holiday lights. Offer your services. And do it soon, before you start shaking so badly that you can’t even help yourself ya damn drunk!